You will need:
1 onion
One can of diced tomatoes
two cans of tomato paste (one will be used as a back up for when the other one fails to open and you smash it into the wall)
some band aids
a can of chickpeas
1 tbs chana masala
1 tsp tumeric
1 tsp cumin
about 12 tbs of chili powder or something that actually has some taste to it> I think I may have used flour or something by accident.
salt and pepper
yogurt and lemon for garnishing
It's always a delight to wake up in the morning with a completely open day ahead of you and a clear craving of exactly what you want to have for dinner.
It get's a little frustrating when you make it to the grocery store only to realize that in order to eat anything indian you need to buy at least 8 different spices, all of which cost about 5 dollars per tiny bag.
This gets even more frustrating when you go home and drop half the spices down the kitchen sink.
Cumin will stain sinks and counter tops and should be avoided, even if it's the essential ingredient.
Anyway.
Once you've cleaned up all the cumin, tumeric, and chili powder, chop up your onion and fry it in a generous amount of butter on medium low heat.
Next, try to open up the cans of chickpeas, diced tomatoes, and tomato paste as quickly as you can so as not to burn the onions. This can be difficult with a can opener that doesn't work properly. When you inevitably break off your entire nail trying to pry the cans open yourself, patiently put on a band-aide and avoid throwing the tomato paste at the wall because this is a total waste of 88 cents.
Once your onions are completely burnt, or maybe ten minutes earlier, add all the spices except for the chana masala. Squish everything with a spatula for a while so that the onions get even more burnt.
Next, add the tomato sauce and chickpeas and cook everything until the chickpeas are warm. Add the chana masala, stir it all together, and serve over rice with a dollop of yogurt and a sprinkle of lemon. Check to make sure there are no fingernails floating around before you eat.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuna Melt
I spent my whole morning cleaning the kitchen and trying to make it smell better by throwing baking soda and lemon juice all over the place. Naturally, half way through I got bored of cleaning and decided to stink up the entire place with tuna, which I don't even like.
I guess my decision to make tuna was influenced by my brother. He likes to remind me whenever he gets the chance that I have a very unhealthy diet with zero variety. Whenever my family goes out for dinner he'll leap at the opportunity to use my order (which is almost always french fries) as evidence. I basically force feed myself horrible things when he's around to make him proud.
One of the things he insists I should eat more of is tuna. I think tuna is the grossest thing ever invented, and until today I stayed away from it at all costs. But lately I've been hearing a lot of hype about tuna melts and how they are the best comfort food ever. Since I really love grilled cheese sandwiches I thought maybe I could silence my brother once and for all if I just snuck some tuna in there.
Tuna melts are not grilled cheese sandwiches.
They are salty (I don't know WHY most recipes call for salt and pepper, as I'm pretty sure tuna just soaks in a can of salt for its entire shelf life), mushy, slimy, smelly, and just altogether bad.
Then again, I was the one that made this sandwich so I suppose I shouldn't assume all tuna melts are gross.
Anyway, here's the recipe for those of you who (god forbid) want to make a tuna melt just like mine.
- 2 slices of bread
- 1 can of tuna
- mayo
- dijon mustard
- one slice any kind of cheese, I used marble because I can never decide between mozzarella or cheddar
- two slices of tomato
- butter
Melt a fair amount of butter on a pan and put one slice of bread on the pan. Put a slice of cheese on the bread and while that starts to sizzle make a tuna salad. Put tuna in a bowl and mix in some mayo and dijon mustard. I think I used more mustard than tuna which is something you want to avoid doing. Once your tuna salad is ready put it on top of the cheese and throw your sliced tomatoes on top of the tuna. Put on another slice of bread and by this time the sandwich should be ready to flip. Flip your sandwich, let the other side get golden brown or burnt, (whatever you like/what your cooking skills will allow), and your disgusting lunch will be ready.
I guess my decision to make tuna was influenced by my brother. He likes to remind me whenever he gets the chance that I have a very unhealthy diet with zero variety. Whenever my family goes out for dinner he'll leap at the opportunity to use my order (which is almost always french fries) as evidence. I basically force feed myself horrible things when he's around to make him proud.
One of the things he insists I should eat more of is tuna. I think tuna is the grossest thing ever invented, and until today I stayed away from it at all costs. But lately I've been hearing a lot of hype about tuna melts and how they are the best comfort food ever. Since I really love grilled cheese sandwiches I thought maybe I could silence my brother once and for all if I just snuck some tuna in there.
Tuna melts are not grilled cheese sandwiches.
They are salty (I don't know WHY most recipes call for salt and pepper, as I'm pretty sure tuna just soaks in a can of salt for its entire shelf life), mushy, slimy, smelly, and just altogether bad.
Then again, I was the one that made this sandwich so I suppose I shouldn't assume all tuna melts are gross.
Anyway, here's the recipe for those of you who (god forbid) want to make a tuna melt just like mine.
- 2 slices of bread
- 1 can of tuna
- mayo
- dijon mustard
- one slice any kind of cheese, I used marble because I can never decide between mozzarella or cheddar
- two slices of tomato
- butter
Melt a fair amount of butter on a pan and put one slice of bread on the pan. Put a slice of cheese on the bread and while that starts to sizzle make a tuna salad. Put tuna in a bowl and mix in some mayo and dijon mustard. I think I used more mustard than tuna which is something you want to avoid doing. Once your tuna salad is ready put it on top of the cheese and throw your sliced tomatoes on top of the tuna. Put on another slice of bread and by this time the sandwich should be ready to flip. Flip your sandwich, let the other side get golden brown or burnt, (whatever you like/what your cooking skills will allow), and your disgusting lunch will be ready.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Pizza Sauce
Today at work my supervisor finally decided to give me an actual recipe for our pizza sauce after a customer complained it was "a little too spicy". The recipe was as follows:
one tablespoon chilli flakes
one tablespoon pepper
two handfuls of parmesan
one handful of oregano
This is what I've been making for the past month:
two handfuls of chilli flakes
no pepper
a sprinkle of parmesan
three handfuls of oregano
three spoonfuls of garlic powder
I understand now where all the customer complaints have been coming from.
I'm sincerely sorry if anyone has been hospitalized for over consumption of ghost pepper chilli flakes.
one tablespoon chilli flakes
one tablespoon pepper
two handfuls of parmesan
one handful of oregano
This is what I've been making for the past month:
two handfuls of chilli flakes
no pepper
a sprinkle of parmesan
three handfuls of oregano
three spoonfuls of garlic powder
I understand now where all the customer complaints have been coming from.
I'm sincerely sorry if anyone has been hospitalized for over consumption of ghost pepper chilli flakes.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Omelette's or Something Along Those Lines
One of the greatest foods you can possibly buy as when you're broke are eggs. You can do just about anything with them, even if you don't know how to make fried, scrambled, sunny side up, over easy, over hard, poached, or any type of egg at all. As long as you throw it on the pan for a sufficient amount of time it won't kill you and it will taste pretty decent. You'll also feel good about yourself for opting for protein instead of cereal for the billionth time.
Tonight I thought it would be nice to have an omelette. I threw some tomatoes onto my frying pan (because I have one of those now!) and then cracked a bunch of eggs on top. I figured tomatoes would be nice because tomatoes are basically the same thing as ketchup and ketchup tastes good with eggs. My plan was to let the eggs cook for a bit before flipping them but i got impatient and flipped about 2 minutes too early (which is strange because all the recipes I've ever read say omelettes should be ready for flipping after 2 minutes of cooking...) so my omlette became scrambled eggs with fried tomatoes on the side.
Next I sprinkled some cheese on top but I guess I put the cheese on a bit too late because in order to give it enough time to melt I had to let the eggs burn a bit. I couldn't really decide which was more important- having melted cheese and burnt eggs, or nice eggs with hard cheese. In the end I decided that since the tomatoes were slowly turning into ketchup it would be best to cope with half melted cheese.
Next I decided to add some salsa to my scrambled eggs (garnished with half melted cheese and a side of burnt tomatoes)
I did not realize salsa could go mouldy but apparently it can.
So I left that bit out.
In the end I decided to have a bowl of cereal with raspberries.
Tonight I thought it would be nice to have an omelette. I threw some tomatoes onto my frying pan (because I have one of those now!) and then cracked a bunch of eggs on top. I figured tomatoes would be nice because tomatoes are basically the same thing as ketchup and ketchup tastes good with eggs. My plan was to let the eggs cook for a bit before flipping them but i got impatient and flipped about 2 minutes too early (which is strange because all the recipes I've ever read say omelettes should be ready for flipping after 2 minutes of cooking...) so my omlette became scrambled eggs with fried tomatoes on the side.
Next I sprinkled some cheese on top but I guess I put the cheese on a bit too late because in order to give it enough time to melt I had to let the eggs burn a bit. I couldn't really decide which was more important- having melted cheese and burnt eggs, or nice eggs with hard cheese. In the end I decided that since the tomatoes were slowly turning into ketchup it would be best to cope with half melted cheese.
Next I decided to add some salsa to my scrambled eggs (garnished with half melted cheese and a side of burnt tomatoes)
I did not realize salsa could go mouldy but apparently it can.
So I left that bit out.
In the end I decided to have a bowl of cereal with raspberries.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Banana Rolls
hey guys,
I've begun to notice a trend in my cooking. I like to take generally healthy recipes and make them as bad for you as possible. Borscht turns into cheese toast, couscous turns into a bacterial farm of mush rotting in my fridge, and homemade hashbrowns turn into a heart attack waiting to happen. This week, I decided to make eggroles- an expression which here means, watch my boyfriend cook the pork and vegetables while I sat around drinking wine and rolling all his hard work in rice paper.
Anyway, I love eggrolls, especially when my grandma makes them, but as she didn't make these ones they got old real fast. Pretty soon I found myself rolling bananas and nutella in rice paper instead and frying up these bad boys for dinner. WHY do I do things like that!? Maybe it's because the nutella packaging promises to provide an excellent source of calcium and energy. I don't know. Having said all this, banana's and nutella wrapped in rice paper and plunged into a bubbling pot of sizzling oil tastes REALLY good. I'll be doing it again sometime soon.
How to make Banana Rolls:
- bananas
- a jar of nutella
- lots of oil
- rice paper
- one egg
Crack the egg open and pour the egg white into a bowl. Figure out what to do with the egg yolk so that you don't feel wasteful. I don't have any suggestions for you though (I threw mine out :( ). Next, set up the rice papers in front of you and start peeling some bananas. Cover the rice papers in nutella, on spread the egg whites around the edges of the rolls. (The egg white works like glue and stops the eggrolls from unrolling once it goes into the oil.) Place about half a banana (unless you have tiny bananas or big rolls) onto the nutella/rice paper combo and roll it all up. Next put it in the pot of frying oil (you want to have enough oil in there so that the roll is completely submerged. Take it out after about two minutes, or once it's golden brown, and voila! You have a really unhealthy and delicious dessert. Or dinner, if you want to be realistic about it.
I've begun to notice a trend in my cooking. I like to take generally healthy recipes and make them as bad for you as possible. Borscht turns into cheese toast, couscous turns into a bacterial farm of mush rotting in my fridge, and homemade hashbrowns turn into a heart attack waiting to happen. This week, I decided to make eggroles- an expression which here means, watch my boyfriend cook the pork and vegetables while I sat around drinking wine and rolling all his hard work in rice paper.
Anyway, I love eggrolls, especially when my grandma makes them, but as she didn't make these ones they got old real fast. Pretty soon I found myself rolling bananas and nutella in rice paper instead and frying up these bad boys for dinner. WHY do I do things like that!? Maybe it's because the nutella packaging promises to provide an excellent source of calcium and energy. I don't know. Having said all this, banana's and nutella wrapped in rice paper and plunged into a bubbling pot of sizzling oil tastes REALLY good. I'll be doing it again sometime soon.
How to make Banana Rolls:
- bananas
- a jar of nutella
- lots of oil
- rice paper
- one egg
Crack the egg open and pour the egg white into a bowl. Figure out what to do with the egg yolk so that you don't feel wasteful. I don't have any suggestions for you though (I threw mine out :( ). Next, set up the rice papers in front of you and start peeling some bananas. Cover the rice papers in nutella, on spread the egg whites around the edges of the rolls. (The egg white works like glue and stops the eggrolls from unrolling once it goes into the oil.) Place about half a banana (unless you have tiny bananas or big rolls) onto the nutella/rice paper combo and roll it all up. Next put it in the pot of frying oil (you want to have enough oil in there so that the roll is completely submerged. Take it out after about two minutes, or once it's golden brown, and voila! You have a really unhealthy and delicious dessert. Or dinner, if you want to be realistic about it.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Food for Thought
Oh, and while I'm here at the cafe, getting a bit bored and really having to pee (what kind of cafe doesn't have a washroom!?) I may as well update you all on my fat casserole!
It tasted really fattening. That's honestly all I have to say about it. But it didn't even taste good, the way fattening stuff should. The hash browns were cold for some reason (I guess I didn't let them thaw enough) and everything else was hot. So when I had a bite, I burned my tongue, and then practically broke a tooth. But I am not, under any circumstances, going to throw a single spoonful of this meal into the garbage. Instead, I'm going to host a dinner party and offer it to all my friends who have yet to read this blog! :)
Ok, to be honest I'm exaggerating a bit. There was something I found deeply satisfying about eating spoonfuls of cream, sour cream, and cheese with potatoes. Sometimes it just feels so good to discard all the anxieties people have about eating right and just eat to enjoy yourself. This is called gluttony and I realize it's a sin and now I feel bad for even saying anything at all so I'm going to go home and eat something that I don't necessarily enjoy but will keep me alive and running.
Isn't it WEIRD how carried away people get with food? It's sole purpose should really be just to fuel us, yet here we are writing books and making movies and food blogs and paintings etc. etc. about food. I don't really have a point about any of this, I just wanted to sound philosophical and give you all a little "food" for thought.
Haha. Ha.
It tasted really fattening. That's honestly all I have to say about it. But it didn't even taste good, the way fattening stuff should. The hash browns were cold for some reason (I guess I didn't let them thaw enough) and everything else was hot. So when I had a bite, I burned my tongue, and then practically broke a tooth. But I am not, under any circumstances, going to throw a single spoonful of this meal into the garbage. Instead, I'm going to host a dinner party and offer it to all my friends who have yet to read this blog! :)
Ok, to be honest I'm exaggerating a bit. There was something I found deeply satisfying about eating spoonfuls of cream, sour cream, and cheese with potatoes. Sometimes it just feels so good to discard all the anxieties people have about eating right and just eat to enjoy yourself. This is called gluttony and I realize it's a sin and now I feel bad for even saying anything at all so I'm going to go home and eat something that I don't necessarily enjoy but will keep me alive and running.
Isn't it WEIRD how carried away people get with food? It's sole purpose should really be just to fuel us, yet here we are writing books and making movies and food blogs and paintings etc. etc. about food. I don't really have a point about any of this, I just wanted to sound philosophical and give you all a little "food" for thought.
Haha. Ha.
Guilty Again
I'm sitting with my boyfriend at a lovely little cafe and sipping my tea and all has been peaceful and silent for the last hour. Just now however, he looked up at me, stared for a minute and then said: "You know what's kind of weird? I checked out what we had in the freezer today, and it's just like, overflowing with stuff that expired just yesterday."
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so embarrassed.
Monday, January 2, 2012
FAT.
I'm back! I'm sorry, I know it's been a while but I've been hiding away at my parent's place for the holidays, stuffing my face with real food like turkey, mashed potatoes, and chocolate. It's been so good. Now I'm back home, but I think maybe, just maybe, this blog is about to take a new turn. Aparantly lots of loved ones have taken great pity on me after reading this blog, and for christmas I received: a frying pan (YES!), cheese grater (YES!) can opener (YES, YES, YES!) a casserole dish, a soup pot, and a cook book. I was so excited about all this that tonight I decided to try to use everything in one go.
Today's recipe:
HASHBROWN CASSEROLE WITH SOUR CREAM, CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP, ONIONS, AND JUST YOUR STANDARD CHEESE.
A.K.A REALLY FATTENING FOOD.
You will need:
A can opener (aha!)
A cheese grater
A casserole dish (Oho!) (preferably one that fits in the oven, but we can work around this.)
2 small cans cream of mushroom soup
Lot's of Cheese
8 ounces Sour cream
half an onion
1 bag frozen hashbrowns
Open the two cans of cream of mushroom soup by using a can opener rather than a dull knife. Read the directions carefully on how to use your can opener before doing so. When the can opener does not seem to work at all, be careful not to throw it at your boyfriend in frustration. Stay calm and try again.
Once the can opener works (it's Ok if you're not quite sure how you got it to work as long as the cans are open,) put all of the ingredients in a casserole dish. Put the casserole dish in the oven. When the casserole dish refuses to fit in the oven, take it out and try putting it in without the lid. If this does not work, take out one of the racks in the oven and try again. Make sure the oven door closes and when it doesn't, try using a different casserole dish.
Once your casserole is safely tucked away in the oven, let it bake for 40 minutes.
I'm not sure what inspired me to make a dish composed literally of nothing but fat and vitamin D, but something about all the New Years "I'm going to be skinny this year and eat healthy" hype makes me want to stuff my face with cheese. So there you have it folks- fat in a dish. I'll be sure to update you on how it tastes!
Today's recipe:
HASHBROWN CASSEROLE WITH SOUR CREAM, CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP, ONIONS, AND JUST YOUR STANDARD CHEESE.
A.K.A REALLY FATTENING FOOD.
You will need:
A can opener (aha!)
A cheese grater
A casserole dish (Oho!) (preferably one that fits in the oven, but we can work around this.)
2 small cans cream of mushroom soup
Lot's of Cheese
8 ounces Sour cream
half an onion
1 bag frozen hashbrowns
Open the two cans of cream of mushroom soup by using a can opener rather than a dull knife. Read the directions carefully on how to use your can opener before doing so. When the can opener does not seem to work at all, be careful not to throw it at your boyfriend in frustration. Stay calm and try again.
Once the can opener works (it's Ok if you're not quite sure how you got it to work as long as the cans are open,) put all of the ingredients in a casserole dish. Put the casserole dish in the oven. When the casserole dish refuses to fit in the oven, take it out and try putting it in without the lid. If this does not work, take out one of the racks in the oven and try again. Make sure the oven door closes and when it doesn't, try using a different casserole dish.
Once your casserole is safely tucked away in the oven, let it bake for 40 minutes.
I'm not sure what inspired me to make a dish composed literally of nothing but fat and vitamin D, but something about all the New Years "I'm going to be skinny this year and eat healthy" hype makes me want to stuff my face with cheese. So there you have it folks- fat in a dish. I'll be sure to update you on how it tastes!
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